Bothered.

So there was this horrible woman in front of me at my husband's graduation... 

I have three kids. Obviously they aren't going to sit silently and pay attention to everything all the military weirdos are saying. But they really weren't that bad. And about two minutes before the event ends, this woman turns around and tells (yells at?) me that I'm being rude and I need to take them out. 

And I get it. Be a bigger person. She didn't have kids, she'll understand someday. Blah blah blah

But it really messed with me. 

In the 5 1/2 years I've been a parent, no one has EVER told me that they're being too loud. 

In fact, I've often been complimented on how well behaved they are. And one of my favorite compliments from a friend at church, "Thank you for knowing when you need to take your kids out into the hall!" (Other parents didn't seem to know)

But now suddenly I was pushed into this category of rude people who can't parent. And I KNOW she was wayyyyyyy being the rude one. 

And funny enough, she said these things to me about thirty seconds after the woman behind us was laughing/playing with my youngest. 

Also, I watched a video with Aaron later on (the closing speech I had missed) and there are cries of babies all over that thing! 

I can't help but feel the need to defend myself. 

My kids weren't being obnoxious. Alek was for a minute and his grandpa took him out and brought him back later. But no one was yelling, or crying, or whining. They were sometimes forgetting to whisper and losing patience with the boring adults and wondering if I had more food in my purse. Ya know, like kids do. 

So it was really unexpected when that lady said that to me. 

And normally I wouldn't have left, but part of me began to wonder if maybe she was right and we were disturbing people. And another part of me was afraid I was going to cry, because people/strangers usually don't just start yelling at me and I don't know how to handle that. 

So I got up with the baby. And the boy followed me with my father in law. He was really sad and didn't understand why we had to leave. I told him it was because there was a mean lady in front of us. 

But I guess maybe my feelings are hurt. 

Which seems dumb. Because I know she was in the wrong, and I know I shouldn't care anyway. 

But it has really bummed me out. And I feel sad inside when I think about it. 

Okay, I wrote a poem.

Don't see too much

But I still need to show you

Closeness and such

I know that I know you 

Is it me that you see?

Or am I not real?

I hope you see me

There's so much to feel

I'll never know

Just when to cease

You'll stay or you'll go

And you'll be at peace

I almost don't care

But of course I do

Apathy is not rare

But I care about you

I need you to stay

So please don't go

But if you go away

I'll understand, so...

Feelings.

I have that feeling. The feeling I got when I would write. It was so wonderful to write. I would feel it, and mix it up, and write it down, and then it would be something new. And I was proud of it. And it was mine. 

But now I feel it, and I am not writing. I am "blogging" instead, about how I don't write anymore. 

Why don't I write anymore? 

I loved it so much. 

I'm afraid that maybe I can't call myself a writer anymore. 

What makes a writer? Does it have to involve writing?

I hate moving.

Seriously. It sucks. 

I am not comfortable with strangers going through my stuff. And putting it into boxes. 

I don't want to watch that. 

So...

There's that. 

It's sad...

I have a period-tracking app with a social section. And it's so sad to see how many young teenage girls are afraid to talk to their mothers. 

These girls are saying things like "I just got my very first period but I'm afraid to tell my mom." 

Or

"I hid my period from my mom for over a year"

That is insane! 

And a lot of them don't know the names for their body parts, or that vaginal discharge is normal and even GOOD. 

Girls need to be taught about their bodies. It's so sad seeing the shame and embarrassment that these girls are going through. 

I really hope I'm able to teach my daughters to love their bodies and to be comfortable talking about it, at least when talking to me, their mother.